I am a capable person. Someone who gets a lot done. Multi-tasker. My career success was based on all of these skills. So what was happening that I was falling behind? Always feeling like I didn’t have enough time? I thought I had a time management problem.
My calendar was full. My to-do list was long. I said yes to things I cared about… and also to things I didn’t. Because if someone asked me, then I should help them out. By the end of the day, I felt behind, stretched, and frustrated with myself.
So I did what most of us do.
I looked for – Better planners. Better systems. Better tools.
Using the Tasks on my email helped me avoid “forgetting” a request. Every Friday I dedicated an hour to updating my to do list. I blocked time on my calendar to “do real work.” These helped for a while. But here’s what I eventually realized:
I didn’t have a time management problem.
I had an overcommitment pattern.
Say What? | Overcommitment Isn’t About Time
Here is how it worked for me – I am at the cocktail party and someone says they are expecting their first grandchild and they agreed to host a baby shower. They are stressing about what games to play and how to make it adult and not silly. So what do I do… I volunteer to help. And the next morning I wake up and think …. Why did I do that? Why did I commit to adding another task to my list?
What is it that I am getting from this pattern? What is the underlying need?
Because overcommitment doesn’t come from poor planning.
It comes from something deeper.
For me, it showed up as:
- Wanting to be helpful
- Wanting to be seen as reliable
- Wanting to avoid disappointing others
- Wanting to prove my value
Sound familiar?
So I would say yes… and then figure out how to make it work later.
Except later came. And it didn’t work.
Why did I say yes? What causes the fear of saying no — or remaining silent? Not volunteering?
My fear….. it was being judged. Judged as not caring, not capable, not worthy. I believed – saying yes is what made me worthy. To my clients, To my friends, To my family.
But… every “yes” I gave to someone else was a quiet “no” to myself. Or a “yes” where I couldn’t show up as my best self as I was stretched too thin.
So What? | The Hidden Cost of Overcommitting
When I overcommitted, I didn’t just fill my calendar.
I created:
- Stress, I didn’t need
- Resentment, I don’t want
- Guilt, when I can’t follow through
- A slow erosion of trust… with myself
Because every time I break a promise or a commitment, every time I am late with a project or email, every time I rationalize not exercising because this project is a bigger priority….
Not only do I disappoint or frustrate others, I reinforce a belief that – I am only worthy if I do more.
Then What? | Rethinking Time Management
So I stopped asking: How do I manage my time better?
And I started asking: Why am I saying yes to this? What is “behind” the yes? Where does this fit into my life plan? My personal priorities?
These questions changed everything.
Because my overcommitting is not about better scheduling.
It’s about decision-making.
It’s about:
- Boundaries
- Self-worth
- Clarity
- And emotional regulation
And here’s the harder truth:
Overcommitting was often a form of avoidance.
It kept me busy enough that I didn’t have to sit with:
- Uncertainty
- Stillness
- Hard decisions
- Or even… what I actually want
Now What? | Power Skills for Overcommiters
Here are the practices that have actually worked for me – not perfectly, but consistently enough to create change.
1. The Pause (Before the Yes)
I no longer answer immediately.
Instead, I say:
“That sounds amazing and I would love to be involved. Let me take a look at my schedule and get back to you.”
This response has saved me from so many reactive yeses. Giving me space to ask myself the questions of where this fits into my personal priorities, my life plan, my career…… my commitments I have made to myself.
Because when I pause, I give myself space to choose… instead of defaulting to my fear of judgement.
2. The Alignment Question
Before I say yes, I ask myself:
- Does this align with the person I want to be?
- Is this moving me toward my priorities—or away from them?
- Am I saying yes from intention… or obligation?
- Can I show up as my best self for this?
If it’s not aligned, it’s not a no forever. It’s just not a yes right now.
3. The “Full Life” Filter
I stopped asking: Do I have time?
And started asking: Do I have capacity? Can I show up as my best self if I add this to my “to-do” list?
Because time is fixed.
Capacity is not.
Capacity includes:
- Energy
- Focus
- Emotional bandwidth
And I can be “available” on my calendar… and still have zero capacity to show up well.
4. Redefining What “No” Means
This was a big one for me.
Saying no doesn’t mean:
- I don’t care
- I’m not capable
- I’m letting someone down
It means: I am choosing to be my best person for a smaller number of items. I am increasing the quality of what I give or do. I am showing up as a person of integrity.
And interestingly…
The more honest I became, the more people respected my boundaries.
5. The Self-Trust Builder
I started making smaller commitments—to myself—and keeping them.
Not big, dramatic changes.
Just:
- A 10-minute walk
- Closing my laptop at a set time
- Not checking email late at night
Every time I followed through, I rebuilt something I didn’t even realize I had lost:
Trust in myself. This trust in myself helped build confidence in setting boundaries.
6. Catching the Real Driver
When I feel the urge to say yes too quickly, I ask: What is it that I can contribute that no one else can? What am I trying to get from this?
Approval? Connection? Avoidance?
When I name it, I don’t have to act on it. It’s a piece of information to assist me in making a conscious choice.
Final Thoughts
Time management is very useful. Reducing my need and pattern of overcommitting was more impactful. It’s about choosing differently. It’s about recognizing that:
- I don’t need to prove my worth through busyness
- I don’t need to earn rest or that massage or that “free” day
- And I don’t need to say yes to be valued
Because the goal isn’t to manage my time perfectly.
It’s to live my life intentionally.
What About You?
- Where are you saying yes to that later feels like an obligation instead of an opportunity?
- Where are you overcommitting —and what is it costing you?
- What would change if you paused before your next yes?
Maybe time management isn’t the problem.
Maybe it’s just the place where your choices are showing up.
And the good news? If you say no now – it is not a permanent no. You can choose again – either now or in the future.
By Julie Shiflett, Founding Partner / Multi-faceted Finance Aficionado / Personalysis Guru and Coach