Have you ever found yourself stuck in a pattern of avoidance—avoiding tasks you know are important, without even realizing why? That’s been me with my estate planning, year after year. Last week, I shared how my limiting beliefs have been keeping me from completing simple tasks and goals—specifically, my long-delayed estate planning. As I worked through the four steps of breaking free from those beliefs, I found myself asking a big question:
Why are limiting beliefs so hard to spot? Why aren’t they obvious?
The answer hit me hard: my limiting beliefs aren’t thoughts I actively think about anymore. They’re automatic responses, reactions I had to past events that have become deeply embedded patterns in my life. These limiting beliefs are no longer conscious thoughts—they’ve turned into reflexes, shaping my actions and choices without me even realizing it. Beliefs are thoughts – that I don’t think anymore.
Say What?
Here’s what I realized: my limiting beliefs aren’t active thoughts I’m choosing to engage with—they’re automatic patterns that play out in the background. When it comes to my estate planning, for instance, I’ve unconsciously fallen into the same avoidance behaviors over and over again. I’m not actively thinking about avoiding the task; it’s simply what I do.
It’s as if my brain sees estate planning and immediately says, This is overwhelming. You don’t have time for this. Let’s do something else instead. And before I know it, I’m scrolling through my phone or organizing the spice cabinet instead of addressing the actual task.
My nervous system likes the familiar. Even if the familiar is holding me back, keeping me stuck in a bad situation, preventing me from asking for that raise or, in my case, keeping me from creating an estate plan. My nervous system knows how to deal with these patterns as it has been doing it all my life. So how do I break free?
So What?
These limiting beliefs aren’t just thoughts; they’re deeply ingrained habits. They trigger automatic nervous system responses—like procrastination, avoidance, or perfectionism—that derail us before we even get started.
Here’s how the cycle plays out:
- Trigger: You’re faced with a task or goal that taps into an old limiting belief.
- Automatic Response: Without conscious thought, your nervous system reacts, telling you to avoid, delay, or focus on something else.
- Reinforcement: By not engaging with the task, the belief strengthens. Your brain learns that avoidance worked to reduce stress or discomfort, so it repeats the pattern next time.
- Outcome: The task remains unfinished, and the belief solidifies further.
This cycle makes limiting beliefs hard to identify because they’re not loud or obvious—they’re subtle and ingrained. They feel less like conscious decisions and more like the way life just is.
Then What?
Realizing that my limiting beliefs are “thoughts I don’t think anymore” was a breakthrough for me. It gave me clarity on why these patterns feel so difficult to break—they’re not decisions I’m actively making, but responses I’ve been running on autopilot. Everyday, all day long.
Here’s what I am doing on a daily basis, in the moment if possible, to disrupt these automatic patterns:
1. Pause and Observe
When I feel myself procrastinating or avoiding, I take a moment to pause, take a few deep breaths and ask: What’s happening here? What am I feeling? If I stop my scrolling on Facebook and ask these questions, this small pause can give me the clarity to notice my avoidance instead of being swept away by it. This small act of awareness interrupts the automatic cycle and brings my response into conscious thought.
For me this step is a game changer. Up until now, I have not equated feelings with – well anything – other than a relationship with another person. How can feelings have anything to do with my job, spending time watching TikTok videos, or avoiding folding the laundry or my estate planning. Well…. Because the feeling is a response to my unspoken limiting belief. And trust me, I was not good at this step. I literally have a list of feelings on my phone to refer to. I need help identifying what I am feeling. Once I can pause, breath and identify my true feeling, it opens up the ability to ask, what is that limiting belief or trigger that created this feeling.
2. Identify the Trigger
So… what is this limiting belief or trigger? What triggered this response? Why am I feeling this way? For my estate planning, the feeling is often a sense of worthless, shame or shut down. So why do I feel this way? I ask myself these questions:
- What am I making this mean?
- What about this feeling is familiar to me?
- What/When did I feel this way in the past?
Understanding the trigger helps me see the belief that’s driving my reaction. The trigger originates from moments of fear, failure, or rejection when our brain tried to protect us by creating a rule: Don’t do that again, or you’ll get hurt. Over time, these rules stop being conscious decisions and turn into habitual responses.
For me, I am making this mean that I didn’t do it right. I should have done this earlier and therefore I have already failed. I can recollect feeling this way as far back as my childhood, when I felt shamed for not getting my homework done on time. Or that I let my dad down when I didn’t get my times tables correct!! That I have to get it perfect to be worthy.
3. Replace the Belief
Once I’ve identified the belief, I actively challenge it and replace it with a more empowering thought. I ask myself:
- What evidence do I have that this belief is not true?
- It makes perfect sense I felt that way as a child. What makes perfect sense now?
Instead of letting “I have already failed” or “I didn’t do it right” stop me, I remind myself:
- I have evidence that I can tackle this one small step at a time, look at getting my tax return done every year.
- Progress is my goal, just like when I remodeled the house. The end result will come in time. And progress does feel like success.
- I have a lot more tools, a network and experts available to me now than I did as a child.
4. Take Action
I identify a commitment, a small step, that I can take, right NOW!. Action is the antidote to avoidance. Even the smallest step—like opening the estate planning folder or writing down one question for my advisor—helps shift the pattern and builds momentum toward breaking the belief. Achieving that starts to rebuild trust with myself and break the pattern of avoidance.
The Power of Awareness
You’re not alone if this feels overwhelming at first. Many of us have spent years unknowingly reinforcing these beliefs. But the good news is, change is possible—and it starts with awareness. By acknowledging my feelings, I am bringing these unconscious patterns into the light, I’m starting to regain choice over my actions. I’ve realized that my limiting beliefs aren’t rooted in my current reality—they’re echoes of the past that no longer serve me.
The truth is, our limiting beliefs aren’t set in stone. They’re habits we can unlearn, patterns we can rewrite. But first, we have to notice them, even when they feel invisible. And our feelings can help us get there.
Now What?
Imagine waking up and realizing you’ve tackled a task that used to paralyze you. That sense of accomplishment builds momentum for the next challenge. By addressing limiting beliefs, you’re not just completing tasks—you’re building trust with yourself and opening doors to greater success.
What tasks or goals are you avoiding right now? Without even realizing it? Take a moment to reflect: what am I feeling when I think about this? Are there limiting beliefs shaping your actions without your awareness?
Remember, the first step to breaking free is noticing. Invest 15 seconds of time in yourself to Pause, Breath and Ask acknowledge what is happening. Ask yourself what you are feeling. Once you see identify a limiting belief, you can begin to change them—one small step at a time.
This week, I’m challenging myself to continue disrupting my old patterns and choosing conscious, intentional action instead. What’s one small step you can take today to disrupt your old patterns? Remember, it’s not about perfection—it’s about progress. Start now, and let’s rewrite our stories together.